How to Talk to Your Kids About Masturbation: A Shame-Free, Healthy Approach for Parents

As parents, it’s natural to feel unsure about how to talk with your kids about masturbation. But here’s the truth — masturbation is a normal, healthy part of growing up, and when approached with honesty and respect, it can be a positive experience that helps your child understand their body without shame.

Normalize Masturbation as Part of Puberty

Kids need to know that masturbation isn’t something “bad” or embarrassing. It’s a natural way to explore their bodies, relieve stress, and understand physical sensations as their bodies change during puberty. When you talk about it as a normal, healthy release—kind of like exercise for their emotions and body—it helps remove shame and builds trust between you.

Teach Healthy Boundaries and Timing

It’s equally important to set clear boundaries about when and where masturbation is appropriate. Help your child understand it’s a private activity that belongs in a private space—like their bedroom or bathroom. This helps teach respect for themselves and others, as well as personal boundaries.

Why You Should Discourage Pornography

Many kids will encounter pornography, and it can be confusing or harmful. Porn often shows unrealistic or unhealthy images of sex that can lead to addiction or distorted ideas about intimacy. Talk openly about why it’s better to avoid porn and focus on real feelings, respect, and healthy relationships.

Talk About Hygiene

Don’t forget hygiene! Encourage your child to wash their hands before and after and to be gentle with their bodies. This supports healthy habits and self-care alongside your conversation about sexuality.

Want to Learn More?

I recently discussed this topic at length on the Sean Donahue Show with Jordan Steele, offering candid advice for parents navigating these conversations. You can watch the full episode here: Sean Donahue Show - Clarify Sex Ed Conversation

Remember, these conversations don’t have to be one-and-done. Masturbation and sexuality are ongoing parts of growing up — and your openness helps your child feel safe, informed, and respected every step of the way.